Look at how chaotic that can be; when an overly emotional woman, commits to a man who doesn’t want to admit he has emotions. But sadly, that is the sad state in many relationships and marriages.
Let’s start with women. Many women make decisions with their emotions. Which means that they make many mistakes and jump quickly to conclusions because emotions can be misleading.
There are many single ladies who date with emotions, they are emotionally unstable. A good looking man says hello, and the single lady has already pictured herself in a wedding dress getting married to him and getting pregnant for him. And so led by the emotions of desperation and excitement, she gets all over the man, jump to conclusions that they are a couple and becomes needy and demanding. This overdose of emotions is a turn off to men, and so the man pulls away because he cannot handle the overload of her emotions, the lady nags, the lady keeps calling him and texting him, the man ignores and goes into hiding just to have peace; and just like that, the woman has scared away another potential friend or suitor; all because she is emotionally unstable. When an emotionally unstable woman hooks up with a man only after her body, he will play into her emotions, use her and leave her more confused and emotionally unstable.
Then there are the women who switch from one emotion to another; at one point she is sure about what she wants, then she is not; she loves you, then she loves you not. This indecisive nature is brought about by the woman’s trust in her emotions. Lady, do not trust feelings, trust the truth. Love is more than a feeling, love is a fact. There will be moments in which as a woman, you will feel low or excited, in love or not in love, beautiful or not beautiful; don’t trust feelings, trust in the truth. As Akello says, feelings are fickle.
There are the women who navigate their relationship or marriage with the compass of their emotions. Emotions will make you impatient because they are all bout here and now. Emotions will make you feel insecure because they will play into your fears. Emotions will make you defensive because they expect the worst. Emotions will keep you from being rational because emotions don’t care about solutions. Emotions have led some women to cheat out of revenge, to end a good marriage, to push away true friends and even commit suicide. Emotions are normal and natural, but you need to control them. If you don’t control your emotions, they will lead you to a dark hole.
When you are an emotionally unstable wife, your husband will find it hard to be with you. Learn to calm down and take control of your feelings, always looking at the bigger picture. In my new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I have written on how a woman can check and guide her emotions.
And to the men, society has lied to us that we shouldn’t show our emotions and feelings yet emotions are part of being human. Far too many men are suffering in silence because they think being vulnerable is to be weak.
The reason why a huge number of men cause so much pain to others and seem heartless is because they are hiding their emotions. When you refuse to accept and be responsible for your own feelings, you cannot be responsible or understand the feelings of others. This is why many husbands are emotionally destroying and hurting their wives because they are not dealing with their own feelings, fears, worries, needs and concerns.
A man who refuses to be honest about his feelings, fails to get to solutions and he develops a hot temper. These are the men who spark off, who shout and terrorize, who beat up others, who are ever combative. Such men need to have some time for some soul searching and ask themselves “Why am I angry? What do I fear? Why do I keep messing up? When did I lose control over me?”
In his other new book, MANHOOD SERIES, He writes about the man and his emotions.
You will not have successful relationships until you master your own emotions and be ready to care for those of others. The peaceful people are not the ones who don’t have emotions, but the ones who have accepted them and learnt to control them.
© Dayan Masinde, a Nairobi based Kenyan artist specializing in Poetry, Fine Art, Portrait Art, Murals, Creative Writing, Music, Illustrations and Animation.