Kati, recently I posted an inbox feedback after seeking her permission to do so of person who was grateful for helping her unlearn something. A lot of men not all seemed to blame her but let me share my personal experience.
Am right now reading 3 chapters of proverbs daily and it’s always amazing reading this particular book in the Bible. Proverbs majorly focuses on wisdom and wisdom helps us apply knowledge correctly. You don’t need to be a Christian to read this book, take time and read it. Am not perfect but that doesn’t stop me from reading the Bible.
Haven’t you seen people that seem to be very knowledgeable but don’t seem to do stuff right? Knowledge is acquired through reading books, listening to people etc but wisdom is very divine according to me. Unless you are able to apply knowledge correctly most of the time, you won’t achieve your desired goals.
Anyways back to marriage expectations. I got married just before my 31st birthday which was late according to people in my village. I spent time looking for survival skills, maturing and also nurturing a startup called Great lakes safaris.
My wife who reads this pieces had a saving of USD 500 and that was declared. I had more money because Great lakes safaris fortunes were beginning to look up. I knew that if we watched our lifestyle, we wouldn’t struggle financially.
Was renting a house in Nsambya estates. I didn’t have a personal car though Great lakes safaris had an old omnibus. We were both comfortable with public transport and only used the old omnibus when there was no business for it.
That time Great lakes safaris office had moved from a briefcase, to under the staircase office was now in a garage in the 2 bedroom house I was renting in Nsambya estates. I didn’t have to do anything out of the ordinary to impress my wife to be then.
I shared my dreams with her and owning a small personal car was in a 3 year plan after marriage and a personal house was in a 10 year plan. In my head, I desired to own a personal house at the age of 35 but later realized it wasn’t necessary at that age anyway. For as long as I would build a good cash flow business or businesses.
My wife only grew uncomfortable about public transport when she got stuck in the back of a matatu 7 months heavy with Kylan Wekesa. She loved walking long distances and one time returns home and says, while walking back, a friend saw me along Kibuli road and I could pitty on her face for me. She had walked all the way from town. Pregnant with kylan.
In May 2005, I bought a small blue car called Etanna at usd 2000 after she experienced getting stuck in a matatu. The car was for her not me and since my office was a workable distance, I never needed a personal car. When we got married, I had to shift our garage office to a small office in Sussie House.
When we had our office in the garage at home, people would come sit in the compound waiting for me the whole day. I would working outside office. People would want financial help but didn’t want to help with anything while seated. It was a culture shock for my wife. So you go slaving hard whole day and these guys sit here expecting handouts from you?
Anyhow, men in this city called Kampala are very confusing for anybody. People, especially men fight hard to look rich or wealthy instead of working towards being so. Men will lie during dating, they will borrow cars to drive ladies for a date. They will create expectations in ladies they date and turn around and blame same ladies.
Yes, as couple we have had very many differences and shall still have but none has been about money, a house, a car etc. It’s because it was so clear from the word go. I didn’t create a wrong impression of myself. I clearly communicated dreams and she stood by me. I never got unnecessary pressure. I didn’t need to turn around to point figures.
Before our wedding day, I told my in-laws that I would work hard and afford a ticket back home once a year. Whenever she needs a ticket back home, it’s always available for her and our children.
Now with all our differences, we can afford ice cream…..
You too can share your story or journey. Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.