Dealing with humiliation – Roy William Mayega.

My lesson today is about dealing with humiliation. I cannot count the number of times it has happened over the last 37 years. But I keep laughing at myself about the way I have maneuvered out of these awful moments. One of the best solutions is to pretend nothing has happened, or no one has seen u. Of course the latter is harder because by the mere meaning of humiliation is that there is a humiliator. The good thing is that apart from the humiliator, very few people have seen you. Even when it is a public humiliation, its funny how the public forgets very quickly. U only have to deal with the humiliator. U deal with the humiliator by pretense, tactical withdrawal (diplomatic for avoidance),and continuing with other possibilities, coz God can open up many other doors. If you feel too down, its OK to cry – crying is therapeutic – but only if you lock yourself in the room and cry alone or if you cry on the shoulder of someone who loves u genuinely – do not cry everywhere my dear! Thereafter U rise up, shake off the dust and walk as if nothing happened. Find your swag. Have you ever slipped and fell, then u arose hurriedly, straightened your pant along, looked around to see if no one has seen you, then u bolt before they see you? That’s what u need to do, unless of course you have fallen in sewage. It sounds stupid but that’s the only option. U create a sort of a blind spot or wall off the incident. Do not mind about what the humiliator thinks of u, mind about what u think of yourself. Many people say u learn from the incident but that’s crap. How do u learn from someone who humiliated u? That u r inferior? No, stupid. Ignore the incident and set new strategies. The only thing that works is to learn to love yourself by being a little selfish, and to keep pursuing your other life’s dreams. Success on other fronts is therapeutic. Success is a healing factor in humiliation. Often times, the negative feelings come back, but ward them off by saying to yourself that it is not yo fault that God made u that way. Find and associate with a ring of people who love u un-conditionally and surround yourself with them. But avoid, with due contempt those who humiliate you. Its crap for people to say that u dont blame the humiliator, coz God’s purpose for people was not for them to humiliate others. Think of the humiliator as the proverbial arse – but dont show him/her that he/she is one. In fact, its best u even avoid them. In summary, pretend as if nothing happened and try other things in life. Develop some positive narcissisms and take a new tangent in life: and as u mature, expect many more humiliations. Remember, time heals many things but some scars remain – and can be re-kindled by further humiliation. These are my thoughts on public and private humiliation. If this recipe doesn’t work, then yo problem is deeper and u need to come to me for counselling.

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